Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Coming to a speedway near you

I’m an American, damn it, and it’s my God-given right to eat a 4,800-calorie burger while watching sports. That’s the newest promotion for a minor-league baseball team in Michigan, which is offering five greasy beef patties, five slices of cheese and a cup of chili sauce jammed between two buns. According to the Grand Rapids (Mich.) Press, those who finish the artery-clogging burger at a West Michigan Whitecaps game will receive a "special T-shirt." Oh, and you’re likely to also get a complementary heart attack before leaving the ballpark.

So when is NASCAR going to get on board and offer the eating and beer-drinking redneck machines a chance at the 5k-calorie combo? For $20 a pop, what NASCAR-loving fool could resist? It’s about the same price as the 16-ounce beer I bought at Daytona last year. And with the choice between getting a watered down alcoholic beverage of choice and an all-American hamburger, which one do you think us hungry/moderately obese fans are going to pick? The only thing missing from NASCAR nowadays (besides fans in the seats and sponsors on the cars) is that monstrosity of beef, cheese and chili.

Now, please excuse me while I vomit.


Scott Beveridge said...

That is funny. I have neighbors who could eat that sucker in a flash, and come back for seconds.

Mike Jones said...

They might not be around very much longer. I think this burger is the Americanized version of natural selection.